Snap and Scribble

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It’s hard to believe, but i’ve been in England for six months now! I got here in the evening on the last day of November last year. I’m quite amazed that six months has gone so fast. I don’t even seem to have really done anything much since i’ve been here. Apart from starting up my internet publishing empire, of course – which seems to be going nowhere fast.

Well, maybe not nowhere exactly, and not all that fast, either – but there doesn’t seem to be very much to show for a couple of months of solid hard work. However, it’s really not an easy game to make money in – but i really do feel like i’m edging towards finding a niche that’s got possibilities.

The speed this last six months has gone with is amazing enough, but even more amazing is how fast the last fifty years seems to have gone. Inexplicably, i seem to have survived my first half-century! However, i think if i manage to survive a second one, the surprise will be so great it will probably kill me!

It didn’t kill Albert Hoffman though – or, if it did, it took a long time to sink in! The man who invented the psychadelic drug, LSD (lysergic acid diethylamide), and was the first person ever to take an acid trip, died yesterday aged 102. No doubt he would have lived to 103 if he hadn’t been a druggie!

Anyway… Yes, in case you hadn’t already guessed, today’s my 50th birthday. After 49 of them, though, the novelty of birthdays seems to have worn off. I can’t say the fact that yet another year of my life has passed is of anything other than mild interest to me. It’s just another year, after all. There’s no real significance in 50 as a number. 30, yes, 59, yes, but 50, no.

I suppose it’s some sort of achievement though – but one that’s entirely down to luck, and owes nothing whatsoever to judgement!

And, on top of all that excitement, when i got up this morning (less than an hour ago), there was an email from Gavin waiting for me – asking if i can go back to Kabul. Strewth! I’m really not sure if i want to or not. I think this is something that requires some careful thought.

I haven’t worked since the end of October – although money’s not a problem yet – so it’s tempting in a way. But i’m not sure if it’s the right thing for me to do at this time.

It would be great to catch up with everyone there again, but i can’t remembering how detrimental living in Kabul was to my health last time. And the security situation’s deteriorated quite drastically there in the last year, too – so i don’t think i’d be walking around the streets now, somehow. Which means claustrophobia would be a problem.

However, more important than any of that is that i feel like, if i persist with my attempt to set up a business online, i’ll succeed. And that will be something that i can do anywhere in the world – and will be of considerably more lasting benefit to me than a few months work in Afghanistan.

Before i went to Kabul the first time, i remember walking on the beach at Suffolk Park and thinking that i was really happy there and that maybe i should try resisting the urge to grab these opportunities when they come up – because the opportunity to stay where i was may never come again. And i’m thinking about something similar at the moment.

Resisting the pull of adventure that time was impossible – and i’m glad i didn’t – but this time i feel more strongly that, if i grab this opportunity, i might be missing out on another, rather less glamorous opportunity which might not come along again.

I feel like i’m at a crossroads and there’s no signpost – not for the first time in my life, either. In fact, my whole life seems to have been spent lurching from one signpostless crossroads to another, with only a kilometer or two of road in between. Of course one of the roads always looks more promising than the other – and that’s invariably the one i’ll choose. But maybe not this time?

We’ll see…

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